His central thesis is that, in general, the city is a better place to raise the kids. It won’t be right for everyone. It won’t be right for every kid. But, on the whole, the city is not only a possible place to raise a family, it’s a better place. There are many factors that make city dwelling more challenging, number one, it's expensive. What you get in the city is small compared to what you can get in the suburbs and you pay a lot more, for everything. Number two, schlepping your small children around the city is daunting, especially in the winter. There's no walking right outside your apartment and hopping in the car, that is unless you got a great parking spot the night before. And then you have the cost of education. My friends gasp at how much I spend on preschool alone. Educational terrain is complex,and hard to navigate since there are so many options and so little cash, private schools are quite expensive. That being said, there are many great public schools in every borough. But the "joys" of raising your kids in a city outweigh the obstacles.
These are the ones that sway the pendulum in favor of staying put and not giving flight.
1. The kids will grow up thinking that they live in the real world rather than growing up in the suburbs and straining at the leash to get to the real world. This was HUGE for me!! When I was young and saw the Big Apple on television I couldn't wait to visit and one day knew I would live there before I had ever visited. People love NYC, we have many friends that used to live here but after having kids have since moved upstate or out of state to give their kids a "better" life. But every time we are around them at various times, all they talk about is when they used to live in the city and how much they miss it. I can't imagine not living here, one day be watching a movie and seeing the skyline of NYC and having it take my breath away and not being able to be there in minutes. I grew up like this. I longed to live in the city and be in the "real" world. Well here I am, in the city, raising my kids where everything is happening. The city is where it's at.
2. The kids grow up knowing that you have a real faith. They want to believe that their parents’ faith is disconnected to reality. It gives them permission to be disparaging about Christianity. But they can’t do that if they know that you’ve had to work out your Christian discipleship in the real world. It undermines their desire for unbelief.
3. The kids will grow up and become self reliant, independent and confident because nothing freaks them out. Boy do I know this one well. I was raised in South Florida which is really considered the sixth borough, but what I've seen in New York does not compare to the 20+ years I spent living in S. Florida. There a children at the age of 10-years old here that take the subway to and from school on a daily basis, I see them all the time. Now, I've not completely grabbed on to the idea that Ava and Aiden will be riding the train at that age but all NYC parents said they thought the same thing. I guess we'll see.
4. The kids grow up being adept at handling diversity. Most suburban white kids don’t grow up with Muslim neighbours and Afro-Caribbean or Indian friends. But you do in the city. Their breadth of cultural engagement will far outweigh the kids who grow up out of town. In the suburbs when people talk about different religions they are usually talking about the Methodists or the Presbyterians. In the city, our children will be exposed to Islam, Shintoism, Judaism, Hinduism, the list goes on. What better mission field is there?? People in the burbs go on mission trips to other countries to share their faith with these religions. We would just walk out our front door, what better mission field? Let me not forget to mention the museums, galleries, parks and world renowned hot spots of the city that we have at our fingertips on a daily basis. In school, when they learn about Monet, De Vince and Basquiat we can take them to see their actual work.
5. The kids grow up being pushed into family. The city is a relationally intense environment. It ‘forces’ families to spend lots of time together. The commute is less, the house is smaller, there aren’t any fields to escape to. It all adds up to lots of ‘face time’. If you’re into relating with your kids, that’s a good thing.
6. The kids grow up with Christian role models. Another BIG one for me, in the suburbs kids grow up with a peer group. But do you really want them learning about the faith from their teenage friends? On reflection, not really. In the city they get to their teenage years and they see the Christian life being modelled by credible ‘trendy twenties’ whom they respect. In the suburbs they get to see the Christian life being lived out by people with kids or the older generation that has settled down in the suburbs. Who do they have to look up to besides mom and dad. In the city there are plenty of godly role models walking out their faith while pursuing their career.
7. The kids grow up facing the issues. They’ll be exposed to a whole range of ethical issues a long time before the suburban or rural kids. There are many great schools in the NY area for our kids to choose for college (although they won't have a choice when it comes to college - they're going, just sayin...) They’ll come across homosexuality, drugs, alcohol, crime, sex and so on and we’ll be with them when they do. Unlike the parents in the suburbs who live out there to escape from it we have to confront it and get to help them deal with it.
8. The kids grow up without the pressure to conform. The city is so accommodating of diversity that it’s hard to think of a fad, fashion or obsession that it wouldn’t tolerate. And so the kids get to grow up being themselves, without having to become a carbon copy of others.
This was eye-opening for me and encouraged us to raise our family here. I don't want to leave the city, I just thought it was the thing to do when you had kids. I’m not saying that it’ll be easy, but I’m persuaded. I’m enjoying the feeling of being constrained by the joys of the city!
These pictures are from our time at Bounce-U with Ava's friend Noelle and Aiden's budddy Jorden. Ava went down the slide all by herself, we were looking all around for her then we realized she was at the top of the huge slide, our brave girl. Afterwards, we headed to Five Guys for some burgers, then it was back to the house for nap time, glorious three-hour nap time.
